If you don’t want to speed up this process, you have to do one other thing: Stay out of the sun. Forever. A sunburn causes your skin to shed like crazy, causing the ink to fade, feather, or blot much faster than it normally would. To make it even worse, seeing as you’ve just painted your skin unnaturally dark, tattooed skin is extra sensitive to sunburn, absorbing sunlight more easily and causing swelling, itching, or even blisters. But don’t worry, this only happens with obscure colors like yellow, red, blue, and black.
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There Are Tons Of Things That Make Tattoos Harder to Remove
It’s all gone horribly wrong. Your relationship has fallen apart, the band has broken up, your favorite brand hired Kylie Jenner. Whatever the reason, you need this tattoo removed now. That’s fine. Merely pop down to the nearest laser surgery clinic and remove the mistake of mistakes while reading a dated US Magazine. Except that that kinda doesn’t work if you’ve lived your life in any way whatsoever.
Do you smoke? Yes? Throw in a leather jacket and you must be the coolest motherfucker in town. And there’s even more good news: You get to hold onto that feeling of coolness for a lot longer than you planned to. The chance of your tattoo being removed inside of ten laser sessions (a pretty standard treatment length) is reduced by 70 percent in smokers. That’s because smoking inhibits the immune system, the main way in which tattoo ink is allowed to break down and be flushed from the body.
Is your tattoo full of bright colors? Congratulations on completing art school / rehab. Unfortunately, choosing literally any other color than black or red means more of that painful laser surgery we mentioned. When it comes to inks like yellow, blue, and green, the chance of their removal inside of ten sessions was reduced to a measly 20 percent because, instead of disintegrating when lasered, these bad boys change hue and refuse to take the hint that you want them off your body.
You don’t smoke and your tattoo is just black? You must be either straight edge or a sailor from the ’60s. Better hope it’s the former, though, because the older a tattoo, the harder it is to get rid of. Over time, the ink sinks deeper into the body. Just three years in, and laser therapy only has a 47 percent success rate, whilst tattoos over six years old are so hard to get rid of that you’d think they have squatters’ rights.
And here’s where it gets ironic: If you listened to society and got a discreet tattoo on your ankle or foot that no one (including prospective employers) could pitch a fit about, your chances of removing it inside of ten sessions are even worse. As it turns out, those discreet locations are far away from the main bad-stuff-removal routes of your body, which means they take longer to break down.
So to summarize: If you’re thinking of getting a tattoo and want the option of removing it quickly, all you need to do is not smoke, get it on your face or neck, make it black and red, and pay extra attention to your skin. That way, you’ll never have any regret getting a tatt-
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-oh, fuck.
Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook. He also has a newsletter about depressing history, but that’s only for the coolest kids.
Instead of getting a tattoo, try putting together this 1,329-piece Millennium Falcon Lego set. Seriously, it even comes with the little dudes.
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